MY VOICE
I have lost my voice.
I made myself small in an act of false humility.
I have let the gifts go dormant.
Singing, speaking, writing, dreaming.
I have settled.
I allowed mediocre and 'that'll do' in.
On the inside.
I have believed the lie that
'This is it. This is all you'll get.
Be grateful. Be quiet.’
I have dropped my head.
I have dropped my head thinking I have to fit in.
Swim with the masses.
Stopped dreaming and I have stopped believing that.
‘I am the salt of the earth. I am the light of the world.’
But what good is salt if it lacks its flavor?
What good is a light when hidden under a table.
Slowly but surely I have started to believe that
everyone will do great things
except for me.
Started to believe that having dreams and aspirations
– in my case –
was somehow wrong.
Start a business?
Write songs?
Stand up for my people?
Others? - Yes of course.
Me? - Don't be silly.
And so I became a shadow.
A shadow of who I was intended to be.
I don't know when it started.
Don't know when began to let the confuser and the destroyer steal from me.
But I know this
– right here –
is where it ends.
I am a child of God.
The Spirit of the God is on and IN me,
To set the captives free,
to feed the poor,
fend for those who can’t fend for themselves.
To stir the gift in others and
call them out of the darkness into the light.
To color this world with singing and dancing,
with joy and hope.
This is my responsibility and I will gladly take it.
I will get to work – whilst faithfully observing what I have already been entrusted with,
I will spread my wings and I WILL fly.
I will sing songs of justice and peace,
write and speak words of freedom.
I will risk things and I will love.
I will start things and will finish some – and some I won't.
I will laugh and I will cry.
I will make friends and family all over the world.
I will travel - and wherever I go,
I will leave a mark of love, hope and beauty.
I will be a mother to God's children
and
I will mend the broken hearted, bring comfort to those who mourn.
I will inspire, encourage and lift up.
Sometimes I will be weak, hurt and I will cry.
And then I will let others, the friends I've made along the way,
come alongside me and hold my arms when I can't,
knowing that they're all an extension of my ultimate comforter
– the ultimate lover of my soul.
I will use my voice.
I WILL use my voice.
I will USE my voice.
I will use MY voice.
I will use my VOICE.
I will speak up.
I will dream again.
I am created in the image of the ultimate CREATOR.
I AM – therefore I create.
I am an IMAGEBEARER.
I won't make myself small anymore.
And I won't let anyone else.
I won't let words of death and negativity into my heart.
I will tune my ear to the voice of Love…
I AM FINDING MY VOICE.
- Jess Mally, August 2015 (edited Jan 2021)