I Get Tired Quickly These Days

I get tired quickly these days,
tired like,
no more air in a tire, like,
no more helium in a balloon,

Deflated.

I get tired quickly these days,
energy sucked out of me, like,
an iPhone two years old or more
after a game of candy crush, like,
a laptop that needs a new battery
after writing a one page essay,

Drained.

I get tired quickly these days.
Things I used to do in my sleep,
now take up to a week
it’s like
my brain’s slowed down
and
refuses to get up to speed,
with what I NEED to achieve.

Feelings I used to be able to push down
Now
just break out and leak
all over the place even when I try my hardest to keep
them from you,
Pushed Down.

I get tired quickly these days.

BUT.

I also feel more these days, like,
the walls have come down
and though it hurts and
in a way means more pain
I can already see what I have gained, like,

When I see you cry and it moves me to tears,
and now you don’t need to cry alone anymore.
Or,
when a baby smiles at me from her stroller and it seems, like,
the whole world just gave me a big hug, like,
I know everything is going to be okay one day, like,
when the plight of my brother and sister I see on the news,
makes me scream with frustration and agony,
but then,
I channel it into prayers
and let it move me to see,
what I can do to be
the change I want to see in this world…

I get tired quickly these days.

Yes I need more sleep,
something broke and I still weep,
at times, over my loss, but:

What you get now, is more the real me,
No longer the tired, grey, copy of me,
but the real, alive, sometimes hurting and vulnerable,
but also vibrant, loud and honest me.

I get tired so so quickly these days
but I’m also more me.
so I can let the tired be,
a new part of me.